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“The report goes on to say, ‘To those who heard it, Trump’s inquiries into what federal regulations could be used to bust the likes of Kimmel and “S.N.L.” was more of a nuisance than a constitutional crisis.’ To me, it feels more like a crisis than a nuisance, I don’t know. Little did I know, I’m up here goofing on him, he’s asking the feds to do who the hell knows what?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“And when he was told there was no legal case to be made, that you can’t stop comedians from making fun of you when you’re president, Trump asked, ‘Can something else be done about it?’ Basically, Trump wanted to turn the Department of Justice into — remember on the old ‘Batman’ show, the Penguin had those henchmen in the bowler hats and the tight black shirts? This is what Trump wanted — a goon squad, a bunch of tough guys to rough people up — because he can’t take a joke. He can make one. In fact, he’s made several: Eric, Ivanka, Don Jr.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“And by the way, they say this happened near the beginning of the year, that was right around the time he had a summit with Kim Jong-un. Maybe he got the idea from him. I could be dog food right now. I’d be like, ‘Alec Baldwin’s the one you want — he dressed up as you.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“President Snowflake asked to send the authorities in to stop us from making fun of him. Not only that, he wanted Guillermo to pay for the wall.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
Stephen Colbert joked that he thought he should get a higher billing on Trump’s list of nuisances, saying, “My name should be in lights on the stadium where they’re executing us for our terrible impressions of him!”
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